Healthy Mourning

  In 6th grade, a girl two grades older from me died from taking ecstasy. During school we heard the announcement, my friends and I mourned. Her sister was in my grade, we were in the same gym class, we talked a couple times and were both slackers when we would run laps. I could feel her pain. It reminded me of when we almost lost my brother to a stroke.
  That feeling was lost when I came home. My mom blamed the girl for her own death and was upset about all of the sympathy and attention she was getting. There was media coverage and a candle light ceremony. My mom was disgusted, "They shouldn't be honoring a girl who died from drugs." I wanted to go to the ceremony, I don't know why exactly.. my friends were going and they seemed to really want to, I felt like I should as well.  On the news, they interviewed my friend who talked about how nice Irma was and that she was a good friend. I will I always remember this, my mom saying "Yea right! She probably didn't even know her, she just wants to be on T.V!" I believed my mom. My mom would mock anybody who showed sympathy. "'Oh, She was my best friend!' -yea, now that she's dead you can say that." I will always remember it.
  I looked at her death with disgust and anger. She doesn't deserve positive attention. Back at school, I remember saying something like: Now everyone's going want to be (her sister)'s friend. I was mad at her, everyone was being nice to her, I thought their kindness was fake. But deep down I wished I could feel what they were feeling. I wanted to mourn with them, I wanted to share the emotion that the rest of my school was feeling, but I didn't.

I wanted to write this to finally let out the loss I truly felt. I didn't know her, but she was part of my community. Few people in my life have died. When I think of death I reflect on the loss of this girl, all the emotions, good or bad. The fact that death affects everyone in some way. When I now look at her picture, rather then thinking of my mom's words, I feel pure sympathy and loss. She is a sister who is missed. May her spirit live on through the lives she has touched.

"if you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it."
"I can feel your pain I just hope you feel my love"

 "if you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live."

"remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something."

"attack life; it's going to kill you anyway." 

 "live dangerously and you live right."

"life isn't worth living unless you're willing to take some big chances and go broke." 

"a life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

"i never fall apart because i never fall together."  

"life is good, fuck the forecast 'cause every day is sunny."

"forgive yourself and others will be able to forgive you too."
-oprah  

"we all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."

 

you're always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company."
diane von Furstenberg

"every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. if we could just remember this, i think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world."
"i'm not perfect and i don't live to be, but before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean."
-bob marley
"just hit the blunt one time and see if it don't change your perception on whats important in your life"
"you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find, you get what you need."
-the rolling stones
"the most beautiful thing in the world is, of course, the world itself."
castaway
 

"holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

"i don't care what you play, where you're from, who you produce. it depends on what you're doing when you're with me. that's what counts. i don't pre-judge anything or anybody."

"herb is the healing of the nation, alcohol is the destruction." 

"you won't know until the end of your life who your greatest friends were or who your greatest love was."

"i like to keep busy, i find it more interesting than keeping still."

"to give and not expect anything in return, that is what lies at the heart of love." 

 

  

  

You and me and the rest of humanity

Sometimes I feel that I am so different from the rest of society, but then there's times I see we are all the same. We all just want the same thing: to be happy.

I love glass

When I was little I collected Sea glass, macalla pieces and tiny glass animals/suns/hearts/bugs from Half moon Bay. This picture reminded of that:)

My love for glass has evolved within the years

Natural Health, it's the only way

Go to bed at sunset and wake at sunrise. Sleep in complete darkness.

The production of melatonin, a powerful sleep-inducing hormone made in the brain’s pineal gland, decreases when the night is not pitch black. And less melatonin can mean more stress

Dry Brushing

Music

Arts and crafts

Food

Exercise 

Barefoot running
Hike
Bike

Relax

Smoke weed
Go Fuck Yourself

Friends

Bath of flowers, a brew of herbs and blossoms or essential oils

Fragrances affect the limbic area of the brain, which is associated with the emotions

Nap

 

Never take boys/sex/babies too serious

"Sex is like pissing. People take it much too seriously" Love yourself before anyone else. Be happy on your own.

Gather

 

Meditate

"truth is everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
-bob marley

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed.
Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with."
"And after a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh."

  

Dealing with attention seekers

Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness, usually beginning in early adulthood. These individuals are lively, dramatic, enthusiastic, and flirtatious. They may be inappropriately sexually provocative, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and be easily influenced by others.

Hmmm know anybody like this?

Examples of attention whores/seekers (celebs and random people)

 

They are annoying, they brag, they talk a lot about meaningless crap, they stretch the truth/lie all for attention to hide their insecurities.

To understand how to deal with these types we will compare them to a dog barking for attention and a baby crying for attention.

Reason for Barking: Attention-Getting
When an owner deliberately spoils a dog or unintentionally rewards him for barking, the dog quickly learns how to get attention. For example, a dog barks because he is startled, and the owner reaches down and pets the dog to assure him that all is well. The dog perceives the petting and consoling as a reward for barking. Thus he barks whenever he wants attention.
(People give the seekers attention, thus making them continue doing what they do)
Attention-getting barking can be corrected, provided that the owner is determined to unspoil the dog. Let's create a fictitious scenario and the solution to the problem it produces. This problem is common to small dogs and their owners.
(Don't give attention for the negative actions!)

As a puppy, the dog frequently barked and jumped up on the owner to get the owners attention. The owner would bend down and pick up the puppy. Soon the puppy learned that whenever he wanted the owners attention, all he had to do was bark and jump up on his owner.

(negative action, positive reaction?!)

Well, by the time the puppy reaches adulthood, the habit has been formed and the dog constantly demands that his owner pick him up and carry him around. The owner finds this annoying, yet he loves the little dog, so he hesitates to reprimand him. Instead the owner tries yelling at the dog, but to no avail. The dog continues to jump and the owner continues to try various tactics to correct the problem, yet nothing positive comes of the owners attempts.

(once the habit has formed, yelling or scolding won't work!)

The solution to this problem is to let the dog know that it's fine to ask for attention, but in an acceptable manner. The dog must learn that, as with most things in life, there is a price to pay for that attention. Instead of immediately responding to the dogs request that he be picked up, the owner now has the dog do something to earn his attention. Once the dog begins to realize that attention is no longer free, he can be trained to remain on the floor and accept attention from there rather than from the owners arms.

(It's OK to want attention, but it must be earned first)

If you experience a similar problem, teach the dog to sit on command. Then, when he comes to you and demands your attention, have him sit before you respond to him. When he obeys the sit command, you can give him some attention. At first, you can pick him up, pet and praise him briefly and then return him to the floor. If he barks and jumps on you again, have him sit again. Follow his sit with praise again, but this time don't pick him up. Instead, bend down and pet him as he sits in front of you.

(Let him know you are in control, he will get attention when he earns it)   

Soon the dog will learn that he must do something before he will receive your attention. In other words, ignoring behavior you don't want and recognizing behavior you do want will produce positive results. Responding to behavior you don't want is perceived by the dog as acceptance, and he'll continue to do it forever. However, when he learns that you'll only recognize him for good behavior, he'll exercise that good behavior in order to receive your attention.

(Ignore his desperate cries for attention, recognize behavior you do like)

"Mommy, come here and see my picture."
"It's very nice, Sarah."
"I can't find the blue crayon."
"It's right here."
"I can't find the green one."
"Here it is."
"I don't want to color. I want to paint."
"I'll get your paint set."
"Will you paint this flower for me, Mommy?" It's normal for children to need attention and approval. However, attention-seeking becomes a problem when it happens all the time. Even charming attention-seeking can become controlling. Many children make tragedies out of trivial concerns to get your sympathy. Excessive attention-seeking results in a situation where your child commands your life.
Many children misbehave to get attention. The most notorious reason for misbehavior in young children, this can be the seed for discipline problems in later childhood and adolescence.

Your goal is not to eliminate your child's need for attention and approval. When handled correctly, your child's need for attention can be a helpful tool for improving your child's behavior. Eliminate not the need for attention, but those attention- seeking behaviors that are excessive or unacceptable. A mother who says, "Sarah, I know that you want me to stay and paint with you. I am busy now. If you can be patient and paint by yourself for ten minutes, I'll be able to spend some time with you then," is giving Sarah an opportunity to have the attention that she wants and needs. She is not giving in to nagging.

 

Do not let your children's need for attention turn into demands for attention. When children do not get enough attention, they resort to outbursts, tantrums, nagging, teasing, and other annoying behaviors. They think, "If I can't get attention by being good, then I'll misbehave to get Mom's attention."

Photography